Iain Gray Freelance Writer

Not the breast in show?

What a week in film, and it’s still only Tuesday! It’s been busier than Jennifer Hudson’s waiter.

Big news, of course, is that Sharon Stone’s breasts missed out on the Golden Raspberry award for worst screen couple.

Her puppies were beaten to the prize by The Wayans Brothers for their criminal comedy Little Man, although Shazza can take solace in the fact that she did pick up the trophy for worst actress, and Basic Instinct II beat off tough competition to win “Razzies” for worst picture, worst sequel and worst screenplay.

At the Oscars, Martin Scorsese was finally recognized by the Academy and given a Best Director award. This was certainly not as big a surprise as him missing out for Goodfellas [Dances With Wolves], Last Temptation of Christ [Rain Man?] and Raging Bull [Ordinary People??].

Alan Arkin was so nervous he touchingly read from a piece of paper, Forest Whitaker and Jennifer Hudson praised God and Ellen DeGeneres was as blandly inoffensive as Russell Brand after a good wash.

To Jerusalem, where James Cameron, the man behind The Terminator, has finally flipped.

After proclaiming he was “King of the World” when accepting his Oscar for Titanic, he has now gone one step further and claims to have found the King of the Jews, or more accurately, the final resting place of Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Mary Magdalene and, just for the Da Vinci Code enthusiasts, Jesus’s son Judah.

The burial caskets are proof, says Cameron, that Jesus “walked the earth”.

He didn’t mention, however, whether or not he will be back…


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